Mastering Surrender

One of the tasks of being an artist is to master your tools, be it a musical instrument, bodily movements, physical media or structures in language. Artistic merit is often considered on this kind of mastery alone, even though there more to be considered.

From the beginning of automatic drawing it became obvious I was no longer using my focus to make intended marks on paper. Rather the automatic drawing act was putting focus back onto myself, a focus in perceiving the impulse that came from inside. My artistic process had flipped, I was now not honing my focus towards making an authentic mark, but using my newly discovered process of spontaneous marking to focus what was arising inside. The care and concentration on the integrity of a mark shifted to a concentration for an authentic response from an inner impulse, one which only showed up in the act of automatic drawing. I was beside myself in needing find out what this was all about. I had to be true to what I had discovered. There was no other way to do this than by continuing to draw and observe as best I could.

I also wanted to make visually interesting art, but I found most art tools only minimally served me as they were designed for specific applications, none of which I was involved in. I had to investigate different kinds of tools that would better work with the way I was marking. Through this I have developed a vocabulary of materials better suited to my spontaneous way of marking. Many of these tools and materials are homemade, non traditional, invented to make the idea of a specific looking mark, and sometimes for metaphorical content. This I could say is my external effort towards a mastery in my art.

Obviously this development of physical tools was based on a commitment to my automatic way of marking. And this meant holding a goal of having the automatic movement come as fully and consistently as possible. This was a very difficult task at first. I really had no idea about how to further it, or hone in on it. Initially it was just was holding my pen towards the paper and waiting. There must have been an internally activity I as engaged in, but it was too subtle for me to perceive. Equally difficult was trying overcome the will to imitate the movement, to keep it authentic. Fortunately I could feel the difference.

Eventually I began to perceive how it arose in me more clearly, but not usually in a way I could recreate. Over time though I have learned how to focus and stimulate it. This has come in small steps. Bit by bit I have discovered certain actions, ideas, words, movements, places on my body, external objects and such on which I put my attention that prove to be stimuli to the movement. These are things I discover which get a strong response and which I can recall again to it recreate the response. Sometimes they work for a only short while and are then no longer functional. Others are still in use. These I consider like mnemonic devices which are tied to deep internal actions outside my awareness. Over time I have been able to more clearly perceive these internal actions and how to stimulate them more directly, but there always still seems to be a deeper activity that is out of my awareness, so it is a continuous process of discovery.

These days I can access fairly deep states through my vocabulary of stimuli towards experiences that continually astound me. I cannot regulate how deeply I will go, this is still an aspect of grace, but my tools of surrender have been collected and their use have been honed. This is the path in my mastery of my art.