Ecstatic Qualia

I always wonder how to describe my ecstatic experiences. They are so different from any other type of experience. I tend to think of them as resulting from a distinct perception. They are always confounding. It has been this way and it continues to be this way. It is as shocking as discovering that there is a color that has never seen before, except in this case it is a perception that has never been experienced before.

I am drawn to indicate them as separate qualia, unique from the other sense perceptions. Qualia are "the internal and subjective components of sense perceptions, arising from stimulation of the senses by phenomena." As sound is distinct from image and smell is distinct from touch so the ecstatic qualia appear distinct to me from all others.

I know, this is a confounding statement to make. It raises so many questions which are extremely challenging to pursue in thought. I cannot be definitive here. I just have to state that I am compelled to ponder the question of it, perception coming forth independent of the ones that we know and live with in a normal course of existence.

I have tried to describe the qualities of my ecstatic experiences on another post here. I did so by relating them to more normal experiences. However this can only be a distant representation. The ecstatic experience for me is not a collection of different sensations but more a systemic confluence of sensations mental, physical and visual and at other times aural as well. It can take place as a perception concurrently internal and external, sometimes without a clear distinction of which is primary.

Recently, as an example of sorts, during an ecstatic movement exploration I had the sensation of a white space in my chest area. I saw it in my mind's eye but could also feel it and see it inside my body. It also had a presence and an intelligence. I felt it was communicating to me, but was also a part of me. I am unable to say what that communication was but the sensation of it was systemic and unique. It came with a transformation of my normal sensation of being, which was an intense thing to experience.

And when it was gone the memory of it fades as well. I know it was something extraordinary, something to which all else pales in comparison, but the quality of the experience cannot be well represented in my mind. I know it when it happens. I have seen the white space before and know I will be familiar with it when I see it again. But I cannot quite recall the full quality of it when the perception is gone.

I assume that all of us are so individual that the descriptions of what I experience may have little recognition from others, even those who perceive their own ecstatic qualia. But I also assume that our form and make up are similar enough that the generalities can be recognized and acknowledged. There is a perception distinct from the ones commonly considered, one that can be indicated and discussed. Or perhaps, if not independent, then this acute culmination of various mental, physical and sensational processes is certainly a unique experience, one apart, the qualities of which can be recognized and explored.

I cannot escape thoughts on this distinction. And I am considering it an important place from which to explore, despite the challenges of describing the qualities of individual non shared experience which are not easily described in usual terms. This is what is put before me again and again as I recurrently find this increasingly familiar but distinct experience.

The Culmination of Dissolvement

By the time I completed this work I had already done a few works with organic debris mixed with acrylic compound, however with this one I decided to add some pigment into the mixture. In doing this I had the opportunity to vary the color of the mixture in order to add a distinct gestural element into what was a very textural and topographic surface.

The variance was in making a final and partial pass in a slightly whiter tint of the same orange color. This subtle contrast allowed the brighter color below to peer through which gave depth in an emblem like manner while still being integrated into the overall texture. This gave the work a certain presence which I always strive for.

On focusing onto this presence I found it growing when I became more aware of the many separate elements that made up the texture of the work. The more distinct I saw the various details the more the presence came forward. The more the parts and pieces began to separate and differentiate the more I could see the face of the whole. It was exciting to able to see this growing in two directions, a greater experience of the whole in complete relation to a view of increasingly distinct parts. The vision became more and more palpable, like a living breathing presence, the more and more it disintegrated.

Eventually the experience reached a point where I could no longer see deeper in the two directions, the parts and the whole, and the presence receded from prominence where it was just previously. However the notion of this paradox has stayed with me, of seeing the face of the whole only through seeing the infinite facets of its infinitely dividable parts, and has become part my personal mythology in my furthering exploration.

Unfortunately the tinted color I mixed became just bit more dark when it dried and that subtle level of contrast was lost. I never saw this again in this work quite the same.

Earth Bowl

There exist many objects of a religious nature. Many are associated with personages, others have to do with function in ritual and ceremony and others are tools for users to enter into spiritual realms and altered states. For some objects all these definitions may apply. The symbolic nature of many of these objects is important in reiterating the associations that make up a spiritual belief in practice. And perhaps because of the symbolism, or for more individual reasons, some objects are used to increase focus towards spiritual ends.

I have such an object, it was created through the practicality of it's function of focus for myself and from ideas about my ecstatic experience which I have explored in my art making. Here is the object.

Basically it is a small tub. The inside covered in a coat of top soil mixed with acrylic compound. The outside is wrapped in an bright orange velveteen fabric. This construction resembles other pieces I have created which have an interior of organic material with a brightly colored frame. These are honorific pieces to material, or specially to the fundamental interaction of material.

The coating of the tub occurred through using it to mix up top soil and mud mixtures with which I would paint. This layer was unintentional as I wasn't attempting to make an art piece with the tub. But in seeing the beauty of what looks like a hole into the mulch of the earth I decided to wrap the outside with an honorific cover.

However the function of the this object is to focus my ecstatic response. I discovered the use of this particular bucket of cup shape because of painting. My original stimulus was facing a drawing surface with a drawing implement in hand. Waiting in this position I could find the response that I had discovered and with which I was beginning to become familiar. At one point further on I also discovered that putting my brush into a paint bucket to be a stimulus as well, which was quite a surprise to me. Over the years I have used this to "prime the pump" before I paint to keep the response as constant as possible. Usually I have a cup on my art table just to point my marking tool to as a way to increase focus. Why this works I cannot say, perhaps I have trained this from my act of painting.

I can use my earth bowl in the same way, to focus myself towards an ecstatic response. The difference is that it is decorated in a way as such a ceremonial object can be. I have not so much used this particular object in this way but I do know it is very functional. On one occasion I brought it to an open sort of gathering where I was doing what I do, peering into the bowl as I would. At one point though a friend of mine who knows about me took a long stick and slowly pointed it into the bucket. On seeing I felt something very intensely cutting down through me in the same manner. So it doesn't have to be me who is using into the bowl to have it function for me.

The artifact I have created also has a certain level of symbolic association which is related to the thoughts I have gained about my actions and ecstatic experience. Also the symbolic nature of the shape and action I use with it are very potent as well; penetration, a portal, entering into depth, a vessel, a womb,etc.. All of these associations and others I have gathered will surely culminate as I go forward in continued exploration and performance.